Biological research is essentially a form of reverse engineering. The Creator—that old bastard—wrote 3 billion letters of code but broke it into only 48 files without a single comment, leaving humans to just sit there and guess: what is this part for? What is that part for? Once they've studied enough and feel they've grasped some of the language and logic, they start trying to write some of their own for fun—for example, making a perfectly healthy, happy, and free bacterium do nothing but produce antibiotics, then slicing it open, extracting the goods, and disposing of the corpse.

      But the main work remains the deciphering. We call this "non-translatable" or "pure" basic research. Scientists usually debate a problem repeatedly, with extreme caution and obsession, going so far as to have a phobia-like distinction between correlation and causation. They never venture conclusions lightly, even filling their language with hedging to emphasize stability. Some friends might understand this approach but not fully support it, so I will give an example to help you understand why this caution is necessary.

      Let’s assume there is a graduate student under God who wants to study humans on Earth. One day, he shines a flashlight down, sees a group of black dots moving around with no apparent pattern, and concludes that humans are a group of freely moving black dots. This view immediately becomes popular in Heaven; everyone repeats the experiment, confirms the result at different times and locations, and validates it. Later, someone shines the flashlight into an office building full of bald programmers. When the light hits, it reflects! Great joy! This is a groundbreaking discovery! They immediately conclude: humans exist who can receive the energy of flashlight beams and emit light! Then, another round of experiments follows: they find that people in some office buildings can emit light, while others cannot, and even fewer people on the streets can do so. Moreover, people in the buildings don't move, while people on the streets do. Because of these contradictions, they reach a "cautious" conclusion: people sitting in office buildings might find it easier to emit light by staying stationary. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Well, it's not over.

      As technology in heaven advances, they eventually become able to extract some of these people. They liquify those in the office buildings and analyze the components, only to find in amazement that these glowing office workers have a significantly reduced component known as "hair." Furthermore, they develop a technique to dump concrete from the sky to force people on the street to stay still—and are surprised to find that even when these people stop moving, they don't emit light. So, it turns out it wasn't "stillness causing light," but rather "light causing stillness." Ultimately, a top-tier journal in Heaven published a paper titled "Humans achieve a lack of movement and the ability to emit light by ceasing hair growth," and "rigorously" added: although our conclusion is sound and stands up to scrutiny, we have found that some people sitting in office buildings simply refuse to glow, which requires further research to explore and perfect our knowledge system.