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Under the shade by the construction site, I zone out
The construction site is still just him today, working away happily. I spot a patch of open space in the shade that I’m quite satisfied with. After sitting down, I start resting my chin on my hand again with my legs crossed, enjoying this rare moment. The sky is so blue; sigh, I should bring a lounge chair next time; hmm, when it gets hotter, there will surely be plenty of mosquitoes, maybe bring a cattail leaf fan; wait, might as well set up a small table to brew some tea, have some watermelon; yes, maybe add some cold dishes, peanuts, and melon seeds, a speaker to play some tunes; seems like a projector for outdoor movies wouldn’t be half bad... absolutely perfect!
A plane flies over, dragging a long tail pointing toward the sun. The sunset is so beautiful. I look at the man mixing concrete; he has no intention of looking up. Watching how absorbed he is, I momentarily lose myself, recalling scenes of playing in the mud as a child—lost in a world of my own imagination, finding joy in creating, and if there were others on the same path, I’d be cheering with excitement, even though it was just a pile of sand and water. It has indeed been a very, very long time since I truly immersed myself in something; that feeling is truly long-lost.
He looks like a fearless explorer-creator; he would toil in the fields, alertly surveying the land with a handy weapon, yet he always seems to walk within his own river, aiming for the distant peaks, I think. Could he be a pioneer gold prospector in the modern world? I imagine everyone as indigenous to the land, yet nomadic among the clouds. Wait, who am I?
Realizing it’s a dream, I open my eyes, but the sunset is gone and the twilight has faded. Staring at it just now made me feel increasingly dizzy; I actually had a fantastical dream of another world. This place is really quiet and suitable for resting, time to head back. As I stand up and stretch, I steal a glance and am stunned—why is this person still there? I look closer, and his face seems to have a faint glow, sparking and flickering, even though the surroundings are dim and lightless. What a strange person, strange place, strange event; I need to leave immediately. Then he turns his head, but everything looks normal. I tap my forehead and mutter to myself, must be seeing things or still half-asleep, what a false alarm. Seeing him notice me, I prepare to wave a greeting to signal my departure, when he suddenly transforms into a beast with glowing eyes and lunges at me.
Ah! I scream, waking up with a start, finding myself clutching the bedsheet in terror. Outside the window is a bright, white sky; sigh, it was a nested nightmare after all. It’s been several days, but I still can’t forget the images from the dream. It hints at everything so starkly. I look toward the farmland by the river and the forest in the distance. On my way home, I don't know if it's the morning sun being too bright, but I feel my eyes glowing. Pushing the door open, the hoe hanging on the wall is pointed straight at me. I take it and instinctively mimic a few motions in the air; it feels surprisingly natural. Maybe I should plant something, I think. That night, I had another dream, a dream where I transformed into a hound, stepping into the forest to search for wild grasses to weave into a spring wreath. Today, at the construction site, I wave the hoe and think, I can make this dream come true.
Video Cover: The mascot for the JR East (railway company) transport card Suica (Suica Penguin)
Video Audio: Волкодав (Wolfhound) - Мельница (Melnitsa band)
**工地旁的树荫下，我发呆**
今天的工地还是他一个人，不亦乐乎。我看中一块树荫下的空地，很是满意，坐下后又开始撑着下巴翘着腿，享受这难得的片刻。天真蓝啊，嗐，下次过来带张躺椅吧；啧，届时天气热了，蚊虫定不少，再拿把蒲扇；欸，那这不摆个小桌沏壶茶，来个西瓜吃吃；嗯，再配点儿凉菜花生瓜子，来个音箱放点儿小曲儿；好像加台投影仪放放露天电影也不错……巴适得很！
一架飞机掠过，拖着长长的尾巴指向太阳，夕阳真美，再瞅瞅眼前那个拌灰的人，他毫无抬头的打算。看他忘我的样子，我一时出神，想起幼时玩泥巴的场景——醉心在自己幻想的世界里，为之创造而喜悦，若有同路人，更是欢呼雀跃，明明只是一堆沙子和水而已。的确是很久很久没有再沉溺于某件事物上了，那感觉，真是久违了。
看起来像是个无畏探险的创造者，会在田地里耕作，会带着趁手的兵器警觉打量，但却始终走在，那条自己的河流里，看起来目标直指的应该是远处的高峰，我想。也可能是现世的先锋淘金人？幻想大家在大地之上各自土著，而于云朵中，人人游牧。咦，那我是谁？
察觉到是梦时，再一睁眼，落日不见，余晖已尽。刚刚看着愈发头昏，竟做上了奇幻的异世梦，这地儿还真是安静适合休息，回了回了。起身时伸展一瞥，错愕不已，这人怎么还在。再定眼一看，脸上还有些许发亮，稀疏闪烁，明明四处都昏暗无光，真是怪人怪地怪事，赶紧离开。这时他转过头，却一切正常，我拍拍额头暗自言语，眼花没睡醒吧，真是虚惊一场。见他注意到了我，正准备伸手招呼，示意离去，他突然化作一头眼睛发光的野兽向我扑来。
啊！我大叫，猛然惊醒，发现自己手攥着床单一脸惊恐，窗户外是白晃晃的天空，唉，竟然还是个套娃噩梦。好几天了，但我始终对梦里的景象不能忘怀，它赤裸裸地暗示着，我看向河流旁的农田和远处的山林。在回家的路上，不知是不是清晨的太阳刺眼，我感觉我的眼里冒着光。推开门，挂墙上的锄头直直的对着我，拿着它在空中本能地比划了几下，甚是顺手，不如再种种什么吧，我想。那晚，我又做了个梦，梦到自己化成猎犬，踏入山林，寻找野草编制春天的花环。今天在工地的空地上，挥了挥锄头我想，我可以实现这个梦。
视频封面：JR东日本（铁路公司）交通卡Suica（西瓜卡或企鹅卡）的吉祥物形象
视频音频：Волкодав（猎犬）- Мельница（磨坊乐队）
Spring breeze doesn't understand sentimentality, stirring the heart of a youth
Yes, a routine seven or eight o'clock, some rare comfortable sunshine, an ordinary road, a common tree, a crowd of anxious commuters, and that unlucky me among them. The dirt on the tree just flew onto my belly, for no reason at all. I didn't even put any effort into distinguishing whether it was bird droppings or an earthy kiss, because it seemed my flimsy destiny with it had already been sealed with a stamp on my white coat, swearing eternal companionship in its unique shade of brown. I stared blankly at the tree, wanting to give it a kick, sigh, helpless, what else could I do, just another unlucky day. "Looking at the busy world, does it still, spin endlessly in loneliness......" Fortunately, the rushing crowd won't pay much attention to who suffered another mishap, it only feels safe after stepping into the elevator shuttling between the high-rises. Fortunately, by zipping up the coat, others and I myself can no longer cast eyes on that wretched mark. Frowning and lying to myself, I have to hurry, don't be late, tomorrow will be better, I think.
The day's busyness and the cover of my coat only provided a slight distraction; moments later, the feeling of stifled frustration bubbled up again. The sunset, accompanied by the gentle spring breeze, seemed at odds with me. I chose to walk for a while, to listen for its answer, before desperately squeezing into a packed car at the next station. Watching the shifting scenery actually brought some relief; those subtle details I hadn't noticed for a long time, such as the temperature signaling spring and the gradually later darkness, such as people starting to stop for the fire-red and blue-bottomed sky, people lingering by the vibrant yellow flowers on the roadside. The moon began to peek out in the east, and I thought, everything isn't so bad after all. Later, I didn't get on the bus at the next stop, scanned a shared bike beside me while I was lost in thought, and rode home. When I arrived downstairs, I saw someone struggling with many courier packages and ran over to help her, but didn't stay long. We were both wearing masks and kept silent, but I saw a hint of light in her eyes, as if she were expressing thanks with a touch of surprise. I gave a plain smile to tell her no need to thank me, and hurried away, yet my heart was setting off fireworks and skipping for joy. As a random part of the world, I decided to start practicing from myself, for instance, "Definite love, direct hatred, sincere liking. Standing under the sun with magnanimity, praising myself loudly and without shame.¹", changing that tiny part of the world, that’s quite good, that’s enough. I think, tomorrow will be better. "Reach out your hands, let me embrace your dreams, let me hold your sincere face......"
⑴ Huang Yongyu 《Along the Seine to Florence》
*春风不解风情，吹动少年的心*
是的，一个如常的七八点，一些难得舒适的阳光，一条普通的路，一棵寻常的树，一群焦急通勤的人，还有其中那个倒霉的我。树上的泥土，就是那么毫无理由地，飞向我肚皮的。我甚至没用一点心思去分辨是鸟的排泄还是大地的亲吻，因为看样子，与它稀薄的缘分已经用盖在白外套上的印章，以独有的褐色在宣誓不离不弃。我愣愣的看着大树，想给它来上一脚，嗐，无可奈何，能怎么办呢，又是倒霉的一天。“看看忙碌的世界，是否依然，孤独地转个不停......”还好，疾走的大家并不会太关心谁又糗事，踏进穿梭在高楼的电梯里才会让人安心。还好，拉上外套的拉链，他人和自己就没法再投眼那糟心的印记。皱着眉头骗自己，还得赶路呢，别迟到了，明天会更好的吧，我想。
一天的忙碌和外套的掩盖也只是稍稍转移，片刻后还是会浮起苦闷浮躁的心绪，伴着微柔春风的夕阳有些龃龉，我选择先走会儿路，听听它的答案，在下个车站再奋勇挤进满载的车里。看着慢慢变幻的风景竟有些纾解，那些细微好像已经很久没有去察觉了，譬如已是春天来临的温度和逐渐晚到的黑夜，譬如有人开始驻足火红蓝底的天空，有人停留路旁鲜艳的黄花。向东的那面月亮冒出了头，我想，一切都不算太糟。后来，我没在下一站上车，扫了辆发呆时身旁的共享单车，骑回家了。到楼下时，看见有人拿着不少快递包裹很是不便，大步跑上前去帮了下她，但也没多做停留。我俩带着口罩也都默然，只是看见她眼神里有些光，像是略带惊讶的在说谢谢，我平淡的笑笑用眼神回她不客气，又快步离开了，但心里却是放起了烟火蹦起了跳步，止不住的开心。做为世界随机的一部分，我决心从自己开始践行，比如“明确的爱，直接的厌恶，真诚的喜欢。站在太阳下的坦荡，大声无愧地称赞自己¹”，改变世界那小小的一部分，就挺好，就足够。我想，明天会更好的。”伸出你的双手，让我拥抱着你的梦，让我拥有你真心的面孔......”
⑴ 黄永玉 《沿着塞纳河到翡冷翠》
